Cycling Isn’t Green and Environmentally Friendly

This is a guest post, from “Recycler” – Cycling info, do not necessarily endorse the view contained within article

Sustrans   and your local authority, in fact most recognised authorities on the subject, claim ‘Cycling’ is environmentally friendly. I beg to differ and highlight some of the areas where this just isn’t the case.

An Erg is a unit of energy and lots of Ergs are needed to pedal a cycle.
This requires the cyclist to partake of large quantities of food prior to starting a ride. (This is probably made from over packaged   supermarket nosh and will have taken lots of food miles to deliver).
Partway round the ride an energy crisis will take place and an energy bar in its own foil wrapper will be consumed and the wrapper retained of subsequent disposal.
Having pedalled for a distance the obligatory tea and teacake shop stop looms at the top of the hill. – If it is a currant teacake then the dried fruit will have travelled further than the cyclist and been dried far more than they have.

So Erg’s Law States
Cyclists create packaging waste and food miles in direct proportion to the pedalling performed

An Erk is a cyclist with every conceivable ‘bell and whistle’ on their bike.
A speedometer, a mileometer, a  heart monitor, a tripometer, a whatevernextometer and numerous electronic gadgets use up scarce silicon chips (sand isn’t as plentiful as it once was because of all the new building on green belt land).
Reflective strips, pedal strips, bumbag strips, flashy flashing LEDs not to mention the old fashioned idea of bike lights (except during blackout years 1939-1945) are all leading to environmentally dangerous light pollution.

So Erk’s Law States
Erks Irk more than Birks in Mercs and apostrophises

An ‘Ert cyclist near you is taking up a NHS bed and consuming hospital resources like they were going out of fashion.
Despite environmentally and wearer unfriendly helmets and specially padded shorts there is a sickening cyclist somewhere near you.
These Ert cyclist ‘Tour Britain’ and some other more minor European countries looking for (not drugs again Ed.) short waiting lists for varicose bottom, repetitive brain injury and hill climbers operations.

So Erts Law States
If your doctor tells you to get fit by cycling they mean they can’t help you medically.

Here is a picture of my none green bike I call it Erf as in spaceship calling Erf.