Falling off a bike. How to do it in style, how to avoid doing it, and how to keep smiling.
There’s a lovely Monty Python Sketch where a knight gets a few limbs cut off, but keeps retorting ‘T’s but a scratch’
I recently fell off my bike; but at the time it felt more like more than a tiny scratch. Obviously I’m not cut out to be a Pythonesque knight from the middle ages.
The annoying thing is that it was the feeblest of things which took me to the ground. It was a mere damp electrical cable lying on a road. A engineer type guy later half apologised for leaving the cable on the ground as he nervously wound it up. Though I guess it’s not his fault, there are always cables lying on the Oxford roads.
At the wrong angle, the 25 inch road tyres just couldn’t go over the shiny flex of cable and so down I went. Actually, I was hardly hurt at all and not a drop of blood in sight, though my lovely new Macbook air got an irreparable small scratch. I can’t work out which is worse – seeing my own blood or a scratch on a shiny silver computer. I guess I should be grateful it wasn’t worse.
It’s rare you can fall off with style. I guess, to fall off in style you would have to be doing the tour de france time trial, in the pouring rain, going round a corner at 30mph and sliding off and jumping back on again. I remember seeing Jan Ullrich do this in the 2003 final tour de France time trial.
There are quite a few annoying things about falling off the bike
- You invariably rip some expensive bit of clothes; any real cyclist will have a good collection of leg warmers with holes in the knee. The more expensive your clothes, the more likely you are to come off and rip them. This is why many experienced cyclist have seemingly poor dress sense – they buy all their clothes from Primark.
- When you fall off, everyone around you looks a little embarrassed before asking the inevitable ‘are you OK?‘ You’re never really OK, when you’ve fallen off, but the only polite thing to do is to say ‘yes, I’m fine’. I can just imagine a knight losing a limb in a duel and someone standing by asking him are you alright? the knight replies ‘yes, fine. t’is but a scratch’ – you could probably make a good comedy sketch out of that.
- For a few minutes after falling off you feel fine. You get back on the bike, and feel surprisingly OK. You feel pretty proud for coming off and then just riding away like a real man. But, then there’s a delayed reaction, your leg stiffens and you feel terrible (or at least I do, but then I always was squeamish).
I could give lots of useful advice for not falling off a bike like.
- Don’t ride over wet leaves at an angle of greater than 1 degree
- Don’t ride in the ice.
- Be careful of metal manhole crates
- Be careful of electrical cables
- Be wary of pedestrians stepping into your path without warning.
- Ride a tricycle with extra stabilisers.
- Don’t ride a bike, stay at home and watch TV.
but, it all seems a little trite the best advice for not falling off is well- don’t fall off. And despite the best advice, you are likely to come off at some time anyway.
Is there any upside to falling off your bike?
- Well, it is an excuse to shave your legs. When the nurse bandages your leg, you can proudly tell her you’ve made her job much easier.
- A real cyclist always has some kind of wound healing on the knee or elbow.
- You will get lots of people suddenly asking about your welfare (though they don’t want to hear anything other than ‘I’m fine thanks’.)
- It’s an excuse for not training / doing well in race.
- It’s an excuse for never going out again when it’s below freezing.
- It’s an excuse for never going out training when there is wet leaf on the road (October through to March)
- if you dent your bike, it’s an excuse to buy a new one.
- You might even be able to check those ‘no win, no fee’ cycle accident lawyers..
There’s a cloud to every silver lining…
Related
My most impressive falling off display was when I mistakenly thought I could ride through some flood water if I was careful. To avoid getting my feet wet I lifted both feet parallel and proceeded to freewheel. All went well until I felt a nasty sinking sensation followed by the slowest falling off I have ever experienced. Until I hit the deck I did wonder if I was going to descend into the bowels of the earth, thankfully it was only an 18″ crater at the side of the road! Not only did I get my feet wet, but everything else as well!!
Interesting experience!
May sound daft or impossible but this definitely works as I have found through experience – try to relax if you fall off; it will hurt far less in the long run. You have nothing to loose by trying it.
A motorbike riding friend told me it had helped him on occasions.
Ooh mum I need a new bike I fell of my old one
and there a HUGE scratch it’s like a millimetre!
no can’t see that working
I have a lovely pair of scars on my knee from an incident in June
…and ARE you ok? Really?!?
just a little stiff