Previously, I have written some tips for commuting by bike. However, any cyclist knows that these don’t really reflect the daily reality of cycling. So here is the “Real Guide to Commuting By Bike.”
Never Let Anyone Overtake you.
For the 2012 Olympics the individual pursuit was controversially dropped for some all round event called the Omnium. For the 2016, Olympics, the UCI have announced that they are going to abandon the individual time trial for the exciting new sport of commuter racing. It is one of the fastest growing areas of cycling, with a real international following. It is a race with no prize money except local bragging rights so it is a real amateur sport – at the heart of the Olympic ideal. The only rule, is that you have to pretend you are not racing, whilst at the same time, you have to beat everyone, especially that old lady on her shopping bike with basket. If anyone happens to cycle past, make sure you get straight on their wheel and stay stuck to it like a limpet. Should you actually find anyone who has the temerity to be genuinely faster than you, you can always use your technical skills for riding over pavements, and through those ornamental flashing lights (see no.1). This should ensure you are still first.
If you still can’t beat everyone, you can always enter the ‘best dressed commuter’ competition. In this aspect of the sport, it is not how fast you are, but whether you look the part. Obviously a sleek white single speed bike with cool shades are indispensable.
Traffic Lights are Ornamental Street Furniture.
Contrary to popular belief, traffic lights were not invented to overcome traffic congestion or irritate people by staying red when there is no need. They were actually invented to bring a bit more colour to a very drab Detroit, Michigan in the middle of winter. At the time it was quite a radical invention to have changing lights at regular intervals. Traffic lights became the forerunner of Blackpool illuminations, which later introduced a much wider variety of flashing lights.
So anyway, if you see traffic lights, take the opportunity to silently admire their technical capacity. Some people like red so much that when they see it they often seem to stop to admire them. But, these people don’t know their real purpose. By the time they have finished admiring them, you will be at work already.
Improve Your French.
Cycling to work is a wonderful opportunity to improve your French and range of vocabulary. This is particularly important for those frequent exchanges with bad tempered white van drivers. Try to discover how many ways it is possible to say. “I say, old chap, why don’t you take a little more time to drive more considerately; it would make everyone’s journey into town much more enjoyable. Thank-you for your kind consideration…. And, I would really appreciate it if you don’t pull out in front of me without warning because I would really rather prefer not to end my days squashed under the wheels of a £30,000 SUV which really has no place within the context of modern inner city driving.”
If, like me, verbal verbosity is a problem, cycle commuting will undoubtedly teach you to say effectively the same thing in a minimum of words.
Many Reasons To Impress your Friends.
Cycling Gymnastics could be the next Olympic sport after cycle commuting racing
Cycling to work is great. It will give you a tremendous sense of moral superiority to those who drive their cumbersome car into town. If you cycle to work, you can boost all of the following.
- I’m losing weight
- I’m saving money on petrol / parking
- I get their quicker than anyone else.
- I really do look good with my trouser stuck into my socks and that yellow fluorescent jacket.
- I am reducing our countries dependency on foreign oil imports and making a real contribution to middle East peace.
- Exercise is good for the brain and makes me more awake at work.
I love the fact everyone secretly takes part in the first tip. The better it is hidden the more fun the race becomes. In my experience often to the total exhaustion of both parties.
I often find myslef climbing a hill taking a little glance behind me at regular intervalsto insure I have not become a rabbitt in a game of chase for a rider behind. It is always easier to chase than be chased.
The delight is that the majority of the time you find yourself successful in the chase only o be brought back to earth the next day when someone twie your age looking like he’s wor his cycle gear all his life comes speeding past!!
I love it!!
I’m a keen cyclist and your blog is very good. Any tips for the UK please?
Tejvan, your knack for sarcasm impresses and amuses me
I totally agree that cycling is an excellent way to travel to work and even on holiday. I’m from Malta and here bicycles are not used often because people don’t understand the benefits of cycling!
I’m guilty of the first tip – never let anyone pass you. It seems instinctive to me to speed up and not let them pass no matter how much my lungs are screaming for reprieve. I suppose it does let me get my work-out.
There seems to be a modern myth that you either have be THIS or THAT. The reality seems to be the modern lifestyle makes us all good at embodying many different personalities and tastes to reflect Where we are.
The bike as a means of preferred modern transport has given us a huge new world to explore.
Your bike & how you personalize it can give hints to the inner-You.
A town bike in the City, Monday to Friday.
A beachcruiser round the town at the weekend.
The basket stays the same – the suit changes.
And you?
It ougtn’t to matter that you are French Mathilde but it is all the more embarrassing that these cretins are so rude. To shout or gesticulate to a cyclist is ignorant and I apologise on their behalf to you.
It sounds like you practice the ‘English’ you have learnt when cars turn left right in front of you
As a french lady, I should say that cycling helps me to improve my ‘english’! Especially when cars over take me to turn left!