How To Pass Time on A Turbo Trainer

Last Thursday was 1 degree, with the temperature forecast to fall below freezing before the end of the afternoon. Something snapped, and I thought why not  avoid the cold and dig out the turbo from the shed?

For some reason, I hadn’t thought of using the turbo since warming up for the hill climb championship back in October. Part of the reason, is that it feels heroic to be out on the bike fighting the cold, dodging potholes and grit, and praying that motor cars (with scant regard for which side of the road to drive on) don’t run into you. In the old days, they didn’t have turbos just hard men who would go on cycling through sleet, mud and snowstorms….

If only my training was as consistent as the freezing temperatures.

But, mostly  I avoid riding the turbo, because  a turbo conjures images of being in a prison cell going around on a hamster wheel – and after an hour of sweating profusely, you look at watch only to realise only 5 earthly minutes have passed.

Nevertheless given a choice between extreme cold, and extreme boredom I thought I’d try the hamster wheel for a change.

This is the Unofficial Guide how to pass a time on a turbo trainer

• Get on and off the turbo trying to make it work properly without falling over (20 minutes)
• Time to take off clothes because you get too hot after 10 minute warm up (15 minutes)
• Time to then put them back on, because your  body is soon covered in a river of sweat which becomes freezing cold (10 minutes)
• Think of all the reasons why it is better to be on your turbo than out in the freezing cold dodging traffic (5 minutes, but does boost morale)
• Read all the interesting things in this week’s Cycling Weekly (time spent 4.5 minutes)
• Evaluate whether you can justify spending £4,500 on the new Cervelo C5 time trial frame advertised in Cycling Weekly (time spent 10 seconds)
• Evaluate how many hours of economic teaching I would need to do to raise £4,500  (time spent 20 seconds – too depressing)
• Get  on and off the turbo to turn your iPod on which is just out of reach. (5 minutes)
• Listen to my collection of George Harrison songs on my iPod (10 minutes)
• Do a really hard power interval at 50 rpm ( 5 minutes, but at least this is starting to be fun)
• Practise your Cadence spinning at over 100rpm, but keeping your upper body still ( 10 minutes)
• Enter in to a consciousness beyond space and time, with only a Zen like perpetual motion of high cadence pedalling, leaving you with a perfect sense of mental, physical and spiritual fulfilment (5 hours)

So that was my six hour turbo session. After the first hour, how time flew by. A few more sessions like this, and I’ll be the fittest amateur cyclist in Britain. So watch out, I’ve found a real secret of cycle training.