The big news in cycling this week is that we shall soon have the big confession – the admission that Oprah Winfrey doesn’t know very much about professional cycling. Meanwhile, the artist formerly known as L.A. is seeking a pharmaceutical product to help open up tear ducts – at the most appropriate time to gain the sympathy of the American public.
I’m sure it will be awful. Hopefully, I will be on my bike. After all, cycling is all about the bike and not visits to dodgy doctors – whose idea of the Hippocratic oath is to turn cyclists into prolonged drug users. Too bad Oprah Winfey didn’t invite onto her show a cyclist like Marco Pantani or Jose Jimenez (cycling shocked by 4th death) at the height of their drug addiction. Perhaps it could have been warning for the people in authority to crack down on drugs a long time ago. But, I’m sure in a carefully choreographed performance there won’t be too many inconvenient truths about the dangers of prolonged drug use. You can probably get odds on the number of times ‘witch hunt’ is used or ‘I was only doing it because everyone else was’.
I’ve made a new years’ resolution not to say any more. But, if you’re an ex-drug cyclists and really want rehabilitation – perhaps some charity work to discourage drug use wouldn’t go amiss.
But, what do I know? I’m just a cyclist.
Anyway since its all the rage to make confessions, here’s my list of cycling confessions for the week.
- Strava is a waste of time / bad / not proper competition / sad / a cheaters paradise e.t.c. e.t.c. But, I still like having King of the Mountain for Box Hill. – At least, I don’t say on Strava ‘according to my peers I’ve won the Tour de France 7 times – when I haven’t – that really would be sad.
- I have gone through red lights at pedestrian crossing when no-one was there and no-one was looking. I think I got away with it until I mentioned it on the world wide web.
- I get a strange kind of joy for completing weekly mileage totals and plotting them on graphs.
O boy, this confession is really boring. I really can’t think of anything bad that I’ve done to confess to. I’m just a good cyclist who gets on his bicycle and pedals away. I’ll never get invited to Oprah Winfrey at this rate. Perhaps I should do something really bad – like turn up to a chain gang ride on a time trial bike. Or bag a few Strava King of the Mountains when there is a very strong tailwind. Or perhaps even worse, I should pretend to do no training – halve my mileage totals and then turn up to races in March and claim it’s all natural talent.
Well, can you top any of those confessions?
- Have you won a major stage race whilst on drugs?
- Have you overtaken a fellow cyclist on the road, pretend to be not out of breath – only to die a few hundred metres down the road?
- Have you ever under-estimated the amount of training you’ve done?
- Have you ever severely over-estimated the amount of training you’ve done?
- Have you ever fallen off your bike, trying to do a wheelie to impress someone else?