Cycling Confessions

The big news in cycling this week is that we shall soon have the big confession – the admission that Oprah Winfrey doesn’t know very much about professional cycling. Meanwhile, the artist formerly known as L.A. is seeking a pharmaceutical product to help open up tear ducts – at the most appropriate time to gain the sympathy of the American public.


I’m sure it will be awful. Hopefully, I will be on my bike. After all, cycling is all about the bike and not visits to dodgy doctors – whose idea of the Hippocratic oath is to  turn cyclists into prolonged drug users. Too bad Oprah Winfey didn’t invite onto her show a cyclist like Marco Pantani or Jose Jimenez (cycling shocked by 4th death) at the height of their drug addiction. Perhaps it could have been warning for the people in authority to crack down on drugs a long time ago. But, I’m sure in a carefully choreographed performance there won’t be too many inconvenient truths about the dangers of prolonged drug use. You can probably get odds on the number of times ‘witch hunt’ is used or ‘I was only doing it because everyone else was’.

I’ve made a new years’ resolution not to say any more. But, if you’re an ex-drug cyclists and really want rehabilitation – perhaps some charity work to discourage drug use wouldn’t go amiss.

But, what do I know? I’m just a cyclist.

Anyway since its all the rage to make confessions, here’s my list of cycling confessions for the week.

  • Strava is a waste of time / bad / not proper competition / sad / a cheaters paradise e.t.c.  e.t.c. But, I still like having King of the Mountain for Box Hill.  – At least, I don’t say on Strava ‘according to my peers I’ve won the Tour de France 7 times – when I haven’t – that really would be sad.
  • I have gone through red lights at pedestrian crossing when no-one was there and no-one was looking. I think I got away with it until I mentioned it on the world wide web.
  • I get a strange kind of joy for completing weekly mileage totals and plotting them on graphs.

O boy, this confession is really boring. I really can’t think of anything bad that I’ve done to confess to. I’m just a good cyclist who gets on his bicycle and pedals away. I’ll never get invited to Oprah Winfrey at this rate. Perhaps I should do something really bad – like turn up to a chain gang ride on a time trial bike. Or bag a few Strava King of the Mountains when there is a very strong tailwind. Or perhaps even worse, I should pretend to do no training – halve my mileage totals and then turn up to races in March and claim it’s all natural talent.

Well, can you top any of those confessions?

  • Have you won a major stage race whilst on drugs?
  • Have you overtaken a fellow cyclist on the road, pretend to be not out of breath – only to die a few hundred metres down the road?
  • Have you ever under-estimated the amount of training you’ve done?
  • Have you ever severely over-estimated the amount of training you’ve done?
  • Have you ever fallen off your bike, trying to do a wheelie to impress someone else?

Happy confessions!

13 Responses to Cycling Confessions

  1. jonomc February 7, 2013 at 1:20 pm #

    OK how long have we got?

    1) I read articles on websites long after they have been posted
    2) I draft buses (you don’t get many horse boxes in London)
    3) I cheat on my Garmin sometimes when on a turbo session and I need a break – I hit the stop timer button – take a breather for a min and then once the cadence is back up to the level I stopped the timer at, I turn it back on)
    4) I have considered using strava at night along with my car (no I haven’t actually done this).
    5) If there is no pedestrian near a crossing and the light is red I go through it.
    6) I don’t use a helmet on my commute when the weather gets hot
    7) I believe that buying all the latest gadgets on my bike will make me go much faster than any real difference.
    8) When I see a nice woman on a bike – I look at the bike and not the woman
    9) I prioritise buy new lycra (or anything bike related) over a new work suit
    10) If I see a single speed bike ahead I have to beat the hipster riding it at all costs – and this has meant occasionally taking a turn up a small side road to take a breather when I realise I cant maintain the lead.
    11) I don’t take life too seriously and never worry when making inflammatory posts on website comments sections :)

    • tejvan February 7, 2013 at 3:26 pm #

      Very nice. I like it!

      • jonomc February 8, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

        A few more occurred to me whilst turbo’ing my life away at 1 am last night

        1) I seem to listen to Toyah. Mylee Cyrass (Spelling?), and Girls Aloud a lot when on the turbo
        2) When someone ask me in the office what my average speed was coming into work or on a weekend ride – I always add 1 or 2 mph
        3) I use kmh as speed on my garmin – though in reality I often have to transfer it to mph on a calculator to know what the speed really is (but I hear using kmh is more pro)
        4) I think men wearing pink Rapha clothes look like tools :)

        • tejvan February 8, 2013 at 12:39 pm #

          I can confess to 2-4, but also have to confess I’ve never heard of Toyah. and I’ve never listened to Girls Aloud, though I doubt I’d like them.

  2. jonty pritchard January 21, 2013 at 12:34 pm #

    manchester late 1950s the prize !! ( NO ONE KNEW WHAT IT WOULD BE ) least of all me !!! was to be awarded to the rider who completed the most club runs throughout the year i didn”t know BECAUSE NO ONE TOLD ME !!! that i was leading the competition and on the last club run just before xmas i woke up to the sound of lashing rain against my window never had i seen it rain like this !!! assured that no one would turn up in such atrocious weather i turned over and went back to sleep 3 days later there was a meeting at reg harris velodrome ABBOTSFORD PARK ROAD CYCLING CLUB HOUSE the club captain took me aside and said where were you last sunday i sad what did somebody turn up jerry said you missed out by one club run I WAS SHATTERED i was also only 14 years old !!! I DOTH PROTEST jonty

  3. ken Downing January 19, 2013 at 4:36 pm #

    confessions are good for the sole it is said.The only one i`ve got is,admitting to answering the call of nature whilst riding a10tt on fixed gear. Funny though it did help keep me warm on the cold morning.

  4. paul greening January 18, 2013 at 11:07 am #

    Once cycled on the pavement the wrong way up a one way street. My defence it was about 2am Sunday morning and it put me on a level playing field with all the taxis in Leeds centre at that time

  5. pj January 15, 2013 at 10:12 am #

    i once drafted a horsebox in a local “10″ for about a mile or so. I was lucky to escape a lifetime ban from the blazers at the CTT.

    • tejvancycling January 15, 2013 at 11:25 am #

      Yes, people drafting horseboxes have been known to get longer bans than certain professionals with cupboards full of PEDs!

  6. tejvan January 13, 2013 at 10:36 am #

    Cheers SM!
    Don’t tell anyone but

    ‘Oh and I confess, I still have no idea how to adjust my own gears.’

    – that applies to me too.

  7. sm January 13, 2013 at 10:26 am #

    Aye, my confessions are similarly low profile. In my younger days I did many a thing I would not consider doing now including:

    - drink cycling
    - headphones
    - riding a bike with no brakes for my paperround (not a fixie!)
    - riding 5 miles home on the rims after a puncture

    And then the worst of all confessions, the maintenance confessions:
    - never oiling chain
    - riding with low tyre pressure and bald tyres
    - never changing chain and ruining entire chainset

    The ignorance of youth. Nowadays I would confess to competitive disorder syndrome but that’s written large all over my sweating face as I try to pass whoever is in front me! Oh and I confess, I still have no idea how to adjust my own gears.

    • Hurumph January 13, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

      My confession is that I suffer from cycling schadenfreude really badly, and it isn’t a pleasant sight.

      I now have a Thorn with a Rohloff hub – “adjust gears”, what’s that?

      OK, not every one’s cup of tea, but it suits me

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